Five Things Snape Didn't Get For His Birthday
by Fennui
Summary: Five quick shorts, prompted by answers to the question 'What should Snape get for his brithday'
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Stress-free Time

* * *

Birthdays had always been a trial. He'd spend his entire day alternately dodging pranks and confectionary. If he complained, Albus would just twinkle and offer him a Cannery Cream.

This year, though, was different. He'd been given twenty-four hours of uninterrupted solitude. Guaranteed. The only cause for unease was a faint, but lingering itch and the knowledge that he had Neville Longbottom to thank for the peace. Not that he would. Though he had, for once, seriously considered actually awarding him points _for_ allowing his potion to get out of hand and explode.

Pomfrey's medi-magic isolation room was bliss indeed.

* * *

What Snape never got for his birthday: Stress-free time away from those annoying students. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Frivolous Indulgence

* * *

You couldn't get them in Wizarding shops any more. Not since that meddlesome Weasley boy—Percy—had taken a job with the Ministry.

Severus thought it a shame, because whilst he'd been at school, Percy had held the distinction of been the only tolerable member of the entire Weasley family. Now he was responsible for the trade legislation that covered foreign and Muggle imports. Responsible for all but robbing Severus of his one frivolous indulgence. Jaffa Cakes.

Now he had to resort to donning Muggle clothing once a year (on his birthday), slipping out of Hogwart's and Apparating to the nearest Muggle village. Why? Because no one could agree about whether a Jaffa Cake was, in fact, a cake, a sweet or a ruddy biscuit!

* * *

What Snape never got for his birthday: Jaffa Cakes. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Services Rendered

* * *

Severus felt that his current situation illustrated quite well the reasoning behind the warning, 'Be careful what you wish for'. But Bellatrix had only been teasing him in her disturbingly childish way. If he'd realized that his birthday wish would be granted, then he certainly would not have wished for _that_.

He supposed that he shouldn't have uttered such a flippant remark within earshot of the Dark Lord. Not when _He_ was in such ridiculously good humour and still so very pleased with his faithful servant. And who could doubt Severus' fealty after the way he … _resigned_ as a member of the Hogwart's faculty?

He looked down again the young woman who lay terrified and shivering at his feet. What was he supposed to do with her? With Ms Hermione Granger gagged and bound with green silk ribbon? Had he _actually_ specified the being naked? He was distressed to think that he probably had.

* * *

What Snape never got for his birthday: Someone scrummy, tied up with a silk ribbon. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Head Problem

* * *

Ah, the untraceable owl. It came every year. There was never any clue as to the sender, and Severus had yet to discover how it always managed to get through despite his 'precautions'. Every time it brought a version of the same gift—the same insult. One year the 'gift' might be strawberry scented (Severus hated strawberries), another it might be bile green, but always, right from his first year as a student, through the years he'd spent as a teacher, it came.

He'd long since ceased to be properly offended by the actual thing. What most maddened him now was his inability to solve the puzzles surrounding it. Was it the same person every year? Or was it a tradition passed on, Gryffindor prankster to Gryffindor prankster? He _was_ sure that it was one of that lot.

Reluctantly he pulled the ribbon from the parcel and looked at the contents. This year, he noted with some disgust, it was a Muggle version. Tilting the bottle he read the label. 'Herbal Essences,' he sighed.

* * *

What Snape never got for his birthday: Herbal Essences. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **Punishment Suffered

* * *

At midnight Minerva hid in the shadows and waited. Her cat senses on alert for Severus Snape's arrival.

Everyone who needed to known the truth behind his actions on the tower that night, and could be trusted not reveal the secret, had been informed. Albus' will and stored Pensive memories had seen to that. But Minerva was still angry, still upset. How could Severus have agreed to and carried out that last, terrible order? She couldn't just forgive his _crime_ as part of necessary strategy! How could anyone—how could _Severus_, who owed so much to Albus; how could he have killed him!

She heard the soft pop of Apparition at the other end of alleyway and tensed.

How she hated Albus for making her the exequatur of his will; for requesting this of her. But she would do it. She would meet Severus and give him Albus' gift, then she would leave without a word and without looking back.

He neared her position, 'Minerva?' he whispered.

She transformed and thrust the box towards him. 'From Albus.'

He stood dumbly before her. His hands hesitant as though the box might explode if he touched it. She wished it would. His face was slack. The mask of his carefully constructed expression had fallen away, and his eyes were bright with--it seemed—unshed tears, and she could feel her resolve begin to crumble. 'Well?' she snapped.

It ended the moment and he took, almost snatched, it from her. 'Thank you,' he mumbled. Face set, expression cold once more. A sudden fury welled up inside her and she slapped him hard. As though by doing so she could knock the mask away for good.

His free hand rush to his cheek. The shock apparent on his face as he looked at her.

Minerva felt a momentary satisfaction at this. But then his whole body shook, his knees gave way and he sank before her, gasping in great gulps of air and heaving out long suppressed sobs.

She didn't remember her own knees giving way, but she held on to him, and cried with him, until the soft light of dawn broke over them.

* * *

What Snape never got for his birthday: A slap for killing Dumbledore. 


End file.
